Friday, February 19, 2010

Amish hair.

So, I have really long wavy hair and, what I think, are pretty long nails.  It occurred to me this morning that there is a good possibility that when viewed by a total stranger, I may appear to be Amish.  Either Amish, or that other religion where the women are only allowed to wear jean skirts down to their ankles.  You know those people?  No offense to the jean skirt religion or anything.  I just don't really adore the idea of being mistaken for one of them.  I guess if anyone DID mistake me for one of the "skirt wearers" they would assume I was a sinner in the eyes of my religion because I would obviously be wearing pants.  I guess it's better to be categorized as a "sinner skirt wearer" than a "regular skirt wearer" because I would never be caught dead in a JEAN freakin SKIRT.  

The whole Amish thing sent me into a bit of a panic though.  It was rather distressing for me to think that ANYONE had ever looked at me walking through the wal-mart parking lot and come to the conclusion that I arrived there via Horse drawn carriage, and most likely I was only out and about in "town" because I finished churning a weeks worth of butter ahead of schedule.  So, I ran to the bathroom with my camera and spent about 30 minutes facing away from my full length mirror holding my camera over my head trying to get a picture of the back of my hair.  I desperately needed this picture so I could post it on MUA and sadly plea for them to tell me I don't look Amish.

Have you ever taken a candid photo of the back of yourself?  It goes smoothly, and the idea seems totally fine and innocent until the part comes where you SEE THE PICTURES.  The horrific mistake you have made will instantly become crystal clear.  

Looking Amish is the last thing you will ever worry about when looking at full length pictures of the back of yourself.  The first thing that happens when you begin to look through the photos is a frantic search for the DELETE KEY, on your keyboard.  Once your finger is firmly placed upon it and you have thoroughly checked that the coast is clear, the next thing that happens is your mouth subconsciously turns into a hateful scowl.  As you scroll through the photos it slowly morphs from this witchlike scowl into a full on jaw drop.  "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?"  Is the third step. This takes place in the form of a shrill shriek escaping from your throat.  The sound of it will only piss you off even more.  Because now not only do you have a fat ass, but you ALSO sound like a nagging, harpy, shrew.

The most disturbing trend I noticed during the hours I spent scrutinizing each and every photo of my ass, was that in every single one I have a wedgie.  Ok, what am I missing here?  Has my ass really grown so large that my nerve endings have spread out to the point where I can no longer detect fabric wedged UP it?  That can't possibly be it.  So it must be that at some point in time I forgot to pick a wedgie for long enough that I became used to the sensation and no-longer notice it.  YEAH, that makes a lot more sense than the whole "Your ass is just fat." conclusion.

I really hope you weren't thinking I was going to post any of the aforementioned photos.  If you were, you are hilarious.  What I AM going to do is give away a BRAND spankin' new bottle of Borghese Stellare Notte.
Gorgeous huh?  I cannot provide swatches of it for you because I myself don't even own a bottle of this.  A quick google search will tell you all you need to know about this hot tamale of a polish. 

THE RULES- are the same as always.  You need to TELL someone about the giveaway.  Email, tweet, blog, post, link, whisper, scream, text, sing, screech, type, or scribble about it to SOMEONE.  Then leave me a comment and tell me who you told in order to enter.  No entries after 12pm Friday the 26th.  International readers are welcome as always!

72 comments:

  1. I tweeted this!

    zoe dot waterhouse at gmail.com

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  2. I posted about it on my blog-http://amberski-adayinthelife.blogspot.com/

    Thanks!
    amberski75@yahoo.com

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  3. Hey I just told my roommate about this giveaway.

    (...And I'm sorry for your wedgies that kept appearing in the pictures...?)

    Anyway my email's chichi.cherry33 at gmail.com

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  4. Already have a bottle and did a comparison on my blog between it and Nubar Peacock Feathers here: http://bit.ly/9Prw7z

    HAD to post that I love your blog, you are so funny and I look forward to every post!

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  5. Please enter me!! I told my BFF about your blog, so that one day, if she decides to be a blog reader, she might look you up, even though she is not into nail polish really. Your blog is just too entertaining even for people who are not nail polish freaks.

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  6. Hahaha I once took pictures of my back to see if my hair was growing (it wasn't , it was breaking off :') ) and I was shocked to see how large my back looked, haha deleted all pictures and never tried again!!

    You never cease to amaze me with your brilliant posts :-D

    I'd like to enter too! I tweeted (is that the correct definition?) about it :-) http://twitter.com/lacquerized

    lacquerized@gmail.com

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  7. ohmygod I laughed so hard! Michele *above* told me about your giveaway and I just had to look.

    I tweeted it too, i'm a new follower and I think this is one of my new favorite blogs.

    I tweeted your giveaway: http://www.twitter.com/DeltaCephei

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  8. That polish is so gorgeous! And the camera is always lying! I sent an email to my bff, because I'm trying to convert her to the dark side of lovig polish.. /jewellery at mua

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  9. I told my brother and his roommate, who then rolled their eyes at me for being such a nerd, and went back to playing hours and hours of a multi-player combat videogame. Love your blog, and thank you for declaring you will never wear a full length denim skirt. I hate those!

    Jen
    sunflowerjen_2001@hotmail.com

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  10. Hahaha, I agree with Jen about the full length jean skirts.

    I emailed my best friend, who I probably bore with all my polish talk but oh well!!

    Tier
    hey.purplerain@rocketmail.com

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  11. oooh so beautiful.

    i told my mother and my sister, who promptly came behind me to look!

    grace
    heyheylove 87 @ gmail.com

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  12. Ah, I love your anecdotes. They never fail to crack me up... and I actually thought you were going to post that pic of your backside. FAIL.

    I told my boyfriend :)
    claralhotak@yahoo.com

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  13. I tweeted it! (Coloruza)
    My email: heather03@gmail.com

    Totally agree with you about the jean-skirt religion thing lol!

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  14. i told my classmate.
    she did not care :[ i need nail polish lover friends in my life.

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  15. Can I text my sister? does that count? Cause I can't post cause I'm technically on a bloggy break. (writing not reading!!)
    And you're a MUCH braver person than me. I'd NEVER photograph my ass. That's just asking me to have a freak out.

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  16. Om my dear sweet lord...
    What a story! LMAO!
    Great polish! <3

    thenailfarm@gmail.com

    http://thenailfarm.blogspot.com/2010/02/hilarious-story-and-great-give-away.html

    Keep those hilarious stories coming!

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  17. Hello! I made a post about this http://darivia.blogspot.com/2010/02/borghese-giveaway.html and added you to my blogroll (and told my 2 good friends:D )
    Very funny story! :))

    darivia.bijoux[at]gmail.com

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  18. just told my sister about this pretty pretty nail polish giveaway. she rolled her eyes at me because she just doesn't understand the polish world outside of pinks, reds, and nudes. :)

    jessica.decarlo at gmail.com

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  19. I told my friend Candace from school, she loves nail blogs, and giveaways. ^^ <3
    fuseki525 (at) yahoo.com

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  20. I am on the phone right now telling my friend Megan!

    Lindsay_117@hotmail.com

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  21. I told my daughter. :)

    smoochiefrog at comcast dot net

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  22. I lol'd at your post. For YEARS I had ass-length long brown hair, I'm growing it back after having it "short" for about a year. I actually had a photo of me in a norse reenactment outfit where people actually mistook me for an AMISH PERSON!! D:
    ANYWAYS!!

    I posted this blog entry to my blog!! <3
    http://skuldasclaws.blogspot.com/

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  23. I tweeted this post! Thank you!

    marianaer (at) msn (dot) com

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  24. This made me laugh soo hard! I feel your pain. Anyway, I told a long this post about this post and we had a good mutual laugh. I am trying to get her here!

    jfirlit@gmail.com

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  25. I told my hubby, so if I don't win he can buy me this loverly polish!

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  26. since i am a loser and don't have a blog, i posted this on nb and also pm'd my besty on MUA!

    lol luv ya!

    jessikabarber@gmail.com

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  27. I messaged my 4 of my friends. one of them(Vasu) told me to stop bugging her abt nail polish early in the morning :P
    I told my mom, so that she knows the gorgeous polishes that exist which she doesnt let me order online.
    oh & i emailed my cousin, i always do about ur giveaways.

    & lol abt the wedges story, ur posts are hilarious! i've told u that be4, but...yeah... anyways, my email is rhea.katyal@gmail.com

    *hugs*

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  28. I tweeted this!

    sheri dot goh at gmail dot com

    Love your blog!

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  29. I wrote an email to one of my best friends from college and sent her the link to your blog. Hopefully she'll love it as much as I do!

    jjsaunderson@gmail.com

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  30. I told my sister!

    lunatikitty[at]gmail.com

    Love your posts!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I told my mom. :) (and pretty much all the girls at work b/c I was all gushy over my win last week! :)) Thanks!
    Teresa
    indieamazonprincess at yahoo dot com
    (and you couldn't pay me to take a pic of me from behind...eeek!!!!)

    ReplyDelete
  32. I told my little sister, and my boyfriend's mother. I'd surely love to win this!
    kate.barrington(a)gmail.com

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  33. I tweeted this!

    -The other Teresa o_O

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  34. I tweeted it. This colour already looks gorgeous in the bottle, prob don't need to see swatches :-)
    juan_hurrican(at)yahoo(dot)com

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  35. Hi there! As usual I passed the word on to my sisters..!
    The polish looks awesome.
    my email is michalkessel at gmail dot com...

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  36. OMG Stellare Notte is so gorgeous! I told my parents, but since they are so into the television (they're watching an episode of a German krimi) I'm not sure they even noticed I was talking lol. Therefore I also blogged about it here, since posting it on my blog has a bigger chance of being heard than tell my parents :P http://nailswatches.blogspot.com/2010/02/current-giveaways_21.html

    I see everyone is stating his/her emailaddress, so I might as well add that to this reply: nailswatches at gmail dot com.

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  37. I told my sister, but she thinks she's not worthy of such nail polish because of her short nails :P so to let more people know I also blogged about it here:
    http://beautyvibes.blogspot.com/2010/02/interesting-giveaway.html

    Email: SweetFantasyStar@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. I told my mom and sister about this giveaway at dinner earlier this evening.

    Mom: "What's a blog?"
    Sister: "You need to stop buying nail polish."


    danielle.rose.lubin@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  39. I just told my (long-suffering) husband. :D BTW, I made him read this post, too, because it's so hilarious. Thanks for the laughs, and the giveaway! walkerjs7920(at)gmail(dot)com

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  40. i forwarded the link to this to some coworkers....brilliant

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  41. Oh yes! I tweeted this (felizarine)! Super gorgeous giveaway. :) Email is feline@katter.nu

    <3

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  42. Great polish! I told about this to my bff and her roommate.
    hangiojeyakismazkibana@gmail.com

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  43. I e-mailed my aunt about this giveaway. I am slowly bringing her over to the world of nail polish obsession. Lol.
    gidget106@gmail.com

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  44. I added this to, my facebook page! :)

    alesia60614@yahoo.com

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  45. What a great polish!

    I told my followers here.

    contestsandsuch@gmail.com

    ~Nessa

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  46. Wow! Great colour :o
    Your giveaway is on my left sidebar: http://thelacquerfiles.blogspot.com

    And I tweeted about you here:
    http://twitter.com/TheLacquerFiles/status/9490374002

    Michelle

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  47. Great giveaway! I tweeted about this giveaway

    http://twitter.com/mzgladys

    nailfanatic@gmail.com

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  48. Hi! Super funny post and one of the most gorgeous polishes to come out in a LONG time!


    I Tweeted about this giveaway as katygmorris and I told my cousin about it (because I tell my cousin everything)!

    Thanks again!!! :)

    kmorris at wildcatdiscovery dot com

    ReplyDelete
  49. I wishpered on my Twitter: http://twitter.com/Katjamarian/statuses/9491308271

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  50. I told mum about this and she immediatly subscribed:D and also sent the link to several friends

    rawscientist@gmail.com

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  51. Hi, I posted about your giveaway on my blog (on the right side below the blog archive) and I am also a follower :) http://lucysstash.blogspot.com/

    lucisek.beluha@googlemail.com

    Lucy

    ReplyDelete
  52. told my sister shes excited :)
    i learned about this from painted lady finger's
    "The Salon: talk and teacakes" i wasnt technically "told" does that disqualify me?

    pandagrrl101@yahoo.com

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  53. I told my mother about the contest and your blog. I should tell you that the Amish don't wear jean skirts just cotton dresses and they always wear their hair up in buns. At least the ones I have seen do.

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  54. I tweeted - http://twitter.com/fashionablegal/status/9509628264

    Also, I'm sure you know this, but you're freakin' hilarious : )

    ReplyDelete
  55. tweet
    http://twitter.com/sparklemidori/status/9509809048

    sparklemidori09@gmail.com

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  56. Please enter me in your giveaway. This polish looks amazing! Your really funny. Although I do love the Amish I don't want to wear their clothing. There are some gorgeous Amish girls so don't picture the typical older Amish woman. The rest was pretty funny. Be brave and publish your pictures. Well I told my girlfriend about your posting. She said big deal and went back to bed. I'm entering myself and if I win I won't let her use the polish. Thank you.
    makeupgirl21@comcast.net

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  57. Please enter me! I told my friend Amanda about this giveaway. Thanks for your blog MM, I laugh out loud when I read it.

    amyfchurch@gmail.com

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  58. Hi, what a funny story! last time i took a picture i wasn't disgusted by my butt instead it was my back/shoulders. They are so wide they look masculine, ugh! and i happen to be on the short side so it doesn't look good at all.

    I told my sister, Stef, about the giveaway.Please enter me.
    Thanks

    Len D
    liliput74@hotmail.com

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  59. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  60. love the blog playa!!told my niece about the bourghese nail polish giveaway your nails are sooo luxe pghelm@hotmail.com

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  61. Hi, gorgeous polish !!!
    I told about your giveaway to my colleagues and family with the link of your blog.
    I hope that I could enter for this giveaway.
    saori.nail@gmail.com

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  62. that's amazing!
    i told some of my friends about the giveaway
    lauren@slivka.com

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  63. I like it!!!
    I told my friend by email.
    BTW I love your perfect blue!!! (last post)
    My email is australiz@gmail.com

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  64. Just found you and I tweeted to my followers (http://twitter.com/jennypoo27/status/9566076410). Thanks for the giveaway, my email is j.allen27@gmail.com.

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  65. i told my sister and my friend about it! i really love your blog!!

    suushuen@gmail.com

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  66. I tweeted about your giveaway (http://twitter.com/gigimontgomery)and told my sister about it. I love your blog!
    jmaek72@gmail.com

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  67. i don't have tweet but i posted on a beauty forum! your blog is great by the way. my email is girlluvbaby@yahoo.com

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  68. I just told my coworker about your giveaway - she was a bit baffled because she didn't understand why I told her - she always comments on my nailpolish but I've never seen her wearing any ... so ... well ... perhaps not the best audience - but her expression was great - totally worth it!

    My email is polishandbpal(at)gmx.de

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  69. Hi there, I told my sister about your giveaway :)
    Anyway, I'm new to your blog, and I LOVE IT. Really, it's hilarious :D
    Cal
    Email: canusletum@gmail.com

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  70. Ooooh pretty!
    I posted about your giveaway in my sidebar here: http://thedutchnailblog.blogspot.com

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  71. I told some friends on Facebook & my sister-in-law who is a nail polish freak. What an awesome polish & I'm glad I found your blog tonight! :)

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  72. you're so damn funny, dude. i love you so much.

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