The fountain of youth.

I freaking found it!  Let's just sidestep the fact that I live a mere 10 minutes from the actual fountain of youth and have never visited it.  Look, it's right next to our award winning school for the deaf and the blind and I become gripped with fear every time I get near it.  No, not because I am a total jerk. It's because I'm worried I will be walking past some blind kids with their teacher and make a face or comment about something ELSE and the teacher will think I'm ridiculing the blind children.  Then I will spend the following week reliving it and feeling guilty for being "that horrible woman that laughed at the blind kids" when I was really laughing at some other random thing happening around me, like cops on bicycles. They wear their button up shirts tucked into spandex pants with a BELT people.  A BELT!  I'm sorry but there is no WAY I can resist laughing at a grown man wearing a BELT with spandex pants, whether there are blind kids nearby or not!  So, since there are bike cops EVERYWHERE in that area, visiting the real fountain of youth is just way too risky.

Getting back on task here, the fountain of youth that I have discovered is inside my very own home!  In order to find your own fountain of youth all you need to do is have your significant other leave.  That's right, just have them leave for the weekend.  Then you can do what I did.  Make sure all the laundry and dishes and other horrific tasks are all done by Friday evening so you don't have to do shit all weekend.  Go to the store and buy all the yummy foods you never get to have because of your all American man, like hummus and artichokes and cream cheese.  Then you get yourself a bottle of wine, get this ahead of time and have your man open it for you before he leaves so you don't break a nail, and BAM your own personal fountain of freakin youth!  I swear this feels JUST like I'm in high school and my parents left me home alone for the weekend! 

I have been swatching all day, then giggling and looking out the windows like a teenager looking for her parents car.  This is 2 coats of Nfu-oh 554 by the way.  In a little while I'm going to "steal my parents wine they forgot to take with them" and get cookey.  I might even make a friendship bracelet or two.

I did a good deed today and drove my older neighbor lady to get her glasses fixed.  She paid me TEN BUCKS!  That made me feel even more like a teenager.  So in the spirit of childhood I think im going to go to the Dollar Tree and buy 10 things with it.  Maybe I'll buy 10 pairs of pants and go around handing them out to bicycle cops.  But for real, my neighbor lady is BLIND without her glasses I had to take her to get them fixed for my own personal sanity.

Another measure you should consider taking if you are thinking about recreating your own fountain of youth is aquiring the polish above.  Nfu-oh 570. Apply 2 coats of it and proceed with your friendship bracelet making activities.   

Anybody who's anybody knows you can't make friendship bracelets without Nfu-oh 570.