Thursday, February 11, 2010

I got it from my Grandma.


I woke up in a super weird mood today so in preparation for this post please locate the nearest salt shaker and separate a single grain to keep handy.   First of all I have misplaced my hairbrush.  It’s a disaster of epic proportions people.   I might as well go buy a wrist sweat band in the colors of the Jamaican flag and a Djembe drum right now because I’m going to be dreaded out like a Rastafarian by noon.   I tried to use my fianc├ęs retarded hairbrush, but it’s totally useless.   It’s one of those stupid bristle brush things that look like a bathtub scrubber.   HOW do people use those?  God, they SUCK.
This is 2 coats.  Once again try to imagine this a bit less blue.  This is a gorgeous purple creme but it is a dupe for Orly Plum Noir.
 This isn't really my thing but it IS one of the non-pink Zoyas I have acquired so I'm posting it. 2 coats.

Just to give you an idea of the mood I'm in today, for the last hour or so I have been running scenarios through my head about how I could go driving around scouting for non-injury related car accidents, then childishly tormenting the drivers in all sorts of ways. Like parking a little ways away and leisurely walking up to the driver with the most mangled car and asking them how they are doing.  “Hey, what’s up man? How’s it going?”  In this scenario the driver replies “Pretty terrible, how are you?”, so I say, “OH YEAH?  You think YOU’RE doing terrible? Well, I’ve misplaced my hairbrush!”   

Some of the other scenarios include me just casually striking up a conversation with the drivers while they are busy fighting and exchanging insurance information, "Hey man, you tried out that new rib place over on King St.?", "So who'd you vote for anyway, pal?"  Another scenario is me driving by the 2 crushed cars and tossing notes out the window to the unfortunate drivers that say random food commercial tidbits like, “With a name like Smuckers it has to be good!” or “The secret is in the sauce”.  I hope this helps! 

My favorite scenario is one where I speed up to the wrecked cars and E-brake slide into a parking spot, then yell out the window “RACE YA TO THE HOSPITAL!”  Then I cackle wildly before I speed away.   One part of each scenario is always the same though.   Right after I spot the accident I do a stealth drive by to make sure nobody is bloody before I proceed with any further action, so don’t worry.
This is such a gorgeous darkened red shimmer.  2 coats.

Something else I’ve been mulling over today is why people say “I got it from my grandma” when you pay them a compliment.  For example- I say, “Hey Janice, what beautiful hair you have.”  Then Janice smiles and says “Thanks, I got it from my grandma”.   I just want to be like, “Wow! Really Janice?  Well you see this WHOLE BODY I have?  I technically got this from my Grandma!  Now tell me what conditioner you use and stop stating the obvious!”   I mean, it’s not like I am complimenting you on your antique coffee table.   But in the instance that I were, it would be perfectly acceptable to say “I got it from my Grandma”.  To which I would reply, “Wow your Grandma is wicked awesome! You could get some hella coin for that baby at the pawn shop!” 

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