Maybe it's Maybelline.

I love Maybellines, especially the old express finishes with the grey caps.  There is something so nostalgic about them, and I really love the bottle shape. With that said, I don't know if it's a coincidence or if I'm a nut job but the gold cap express finishes seem to always be streaky and it pisses me off to have to thin a brand new bottle of polish. 

Every time I apply a gold cap express finish and it streaks horribly across my freshly prepped, clean and shiny, lovingly base coated, unsuspecting nail, I think really LOUDLY in my head, "MAYBE IT'S NOT FUCKING MAYBELLINE!".  Yeah, I can think to myself in different volumes, and yeah that is the first official full force F-bomb on mah blog.  I think it went over quite well.  Seriously when a polish ruins 20 minutes of filing and moisturizing, base coating and prepping, I strongly consider walking into my kitchen grabbing the hammer out of my pot holder drawer and taking it to every shiny surface in sight.  But I don't because that would mess up the rest of my manicure.

In all honesty, some of the grey cappers streak too.  I just need to point a finger at something and those ugly ass gold caps are just gonna have to take the blame.  Somebody has to take the fall and it's you, you hideous gold caps.  Maybe if you weren't so GOLD and gaudy you could have flown under the radar, but Noooo you just had to be loud and stupid and GOLD.  Is this EGYPT Maybelline?  Are we in King Tut's tomb?  Last time I checked, The answer was NO!  So, stop gold plating random things that AREN'T JEWELRY. 

Maybe I'm wrong and Maybelline is 100% on point.  But my toothbrush and shoe laces aren't gold plated so I'm pretty freakin sure this isn't Egypt circa 1333 BC.

So, in this ONE isolated instance do not listen to me. The grey cap Maybelline express finishes are capable of streaking just as bad as the gold ones. 

 This one applied awesome.  2 thin coats to achieve bottle color.  Purdy.  This is like the ONLY heavily orange based red I can wear and have my hands remain normal looking.

I kinda liked this color but was it worth 4 coats to cover the streaks?  NO!  Was it even worth typing the ridiculously long and STUPID name so I could post it?  Kinda, because I wanted to tell you guys how hard it was for me to type "blet" when all I wanted in the world at that moment was to type "BLEH!"

I think this swatch reveals what a pain this was to apply.  It was wierd.  Streaky and runny at the same time.  But only 3 coats.  I bought this polish because in the store it looked like a creme that would perfectly match my skin tone.  I got it home to find it was a pinkish, yellowish, nude SHIMMER.

This took 5 coats to be opaque, but it's not meant to be opaque so its ok.  But good LORD it is SO streaky.  It's like trying to apply polish with a brush a 4th grader made out of pine straw at summer camp.

I have a love hate relationship with this one.  LOVE- because it looks VERY close to Ruby Pumps. HATE- because it looks VERY close to Ruby Pumps.  This is the closest ruby pumps dupe I have found but who cares. Maybelline can't touch it because Ruby Pumps is RUBY EFFING PUMPS, it is THE red glitter. Nuff said.

The Lighter Side.

I don't know if others have this problem but I always seem to ignore lighter colored polishes. Sure I will have an opinion when I see a swatch of one or maybe even write one down from time to time. But when the shit hits the fan, otherwise known as- when the cash hits my hand, and I'm feverishly loading up an online shopping cart these colors almost always get left behind.

Since I'm all about breaking bad habits and becoming a model citizen, I decided to force myself to make an order of only lights, neutrals, and pastels. I mean, I can't just go around buying up all the dark blue shimmers in the universe and hoarding them all in a cauldron on my side of the rainbow now can I?

Maybe I'm not all about becoming a model citizen. Maybe I'm really all about imposing bizarre, groundless limitations on myself and following them with the utmost of honor! That's me! The one who thinks forcing herself to buy some tan colored nail polish makes her a beacon of society.

Anyway here are the polishes that made the cut from my, "I'm a better person because I bought these instead of what I really wanted" order.

Eh, just ok. But it's going to be HTF soon so you'll never pry it from my fingers! I think this was a 3 coater.

I really like this one. BUT a word of warning. Do not under any circumstances apply this evil liquid to your bare nail. Ok, there is ONE circumstance in which you could apply this to your bare nail. You are having a party on the surface of the sun and you want your nails to match it. It stains your nails yellow, man.

This one was kinda cool too but it gives my hands The look of a fresh sunburn. I like the name too. 2 coats.

I expected this to be a lot darker. It's way too warm for me but it's unique so I will wear it anyway and pretend I don't know it looks bad. 2 coats.

This color is totally out of my comfort zone. It's totally out of my comfort zone's comfort zone. I like the color but it's on the "can't wear these until I get a tan" shelf. Which might as well be the trash can. I think this one was like 4 coats. It might be meant to be worn sheer, not sure.

Pretty creamy grey. I wish it was a little darker but, love it. 2 coats.

I don't love this, but I don't hate it. I also don't want to get rid of it so it made the cut. 2 coats.

This is really similar to 'no name yet' but a little more purple. 2 coats. Meh.

Yes, I realize I just posted a pic of this yesterday. But this polish was part of the purchase I'm posting about, so I'm including it anyway. This is 2 coats.