I don't hate a lot of things but Mario Lopez is at the TIPPY TOP of my very short list. WHY does he host like 50 shows? WHY? I half expect him to show up in my bathroom and start hosting my bubble bath with his retarded VOICE and his stupid childlike FACE. If I am flipping channels and land on a show including Mario Lopez wielding a microphone I will nearly BREAK MY ARM trying to change the channel fast enough that I won't have to hear him speak.
This is 2 coats artificial lighting, love it!
I mean, Mario Lopez is the mexican version of Bob Saget. NOT the "I'm a coke addict, pimp, recording artist" version of Bob Saget. I'm talking the Full house, Americas Funniest Home Videos featuring the worst host in the history of tellevision, Bob Saget.
Mario Lopez's face is like a 150 foot long, neon flag waving FRANTICALLY with the words "CHANGE THE CHANEL" printed on it. Hell, the flag even has an option to push a button and it will smash you over the head with a crow bar and knock you the fuck OUT, in the instance you have lost your remote.
Seriously, Mario Lopez needs to just go on tour or something. Then he can go around being not funny in EMPTY comedy clubs and I can watch T.V. in peace. He will get stabbed at his VERY first gig anyway, either by me or someone similar, so it's a GREAT PLAN.
Mario Lopez brings out an animalistic violence in me I had never realized existed. I really hope I never run into him at Goodwill while I'm scouting nail polish and he is stealing anecdotes off those little precious moments figurines to use in his act, because I will KILL him. Bare handed, grisly style, straight up, 1st degree. MURDER.
Yeah...I am currently deathly I'll and blocked into the corner of my bed by a mountian of used tissues, I'm miserable and trapped here until somebody brings me some dayquil and a freakin sprite. So yeah, I'm pissy and that is why you got to read about how hard Mario Lopez sucks ass today.