Monday, February 22, 2010

Maybe it's Maybelline.

I love Maybellines, especially the old express finishes with the grey caps.  There is something so nostalgic about them, and I really love the bottle shape. With that said, I don't know if it's a coincidence or if I'm a nut job but the gold cap express finishes seem to always be streaky and it pisses me off to have to thin a brand new bottle of polish. 

Every time I apply a gold cap express finish and it streaks horribly across my freshly prepped, clean and shiny, lovingly base coated, unsuspecting nail, I think really LOUDLY in my head, "MAYBE IT'S NOT FUCKING MAYBELLINE!".  Yeah, I can think to myself in different volumes, and yeah that is the first official full force F-bomb on mah blog.  I think it went over quite well.  Seriously when a polish ruins 20 minutes of filing and moisturizing, base coating and prepping, I strongly consider walking into my kitchen grabbing the hammer out of my pot holder drawer and taking it to every shiny surface in sight.  But I don't because that would mess up the rest of my manicure.

In all honesty, some of the grey cappers streak too.  I just need to point a finger at something and those ugly ass gold caps are just gonna have to take the blame.  Somebody has to take the fall and it's you, you hideous gold caps.  Maybe if you weren't so GOLD and gaudy you could have flown under the radar, but Noooo you just had to be loud and stupid and GOLD.  Is this EGYPT Maybelline?  Are we in King Tut's tomb?  Last time I checked, The answer was NO!  So, stop gold plating random things that AREN'T JEWELRY. 

Maybe I'm wrong and Maybelline is 100% on point.  But my toothbrush and shoe laces aren't gold plated so I'm pretty freakin sure this isn't Egypt circa 1333 BC.

So, in this ONE isolated instance do not listen to me. The grey cap Maybelline express finishes are capable of streaking just as bad as the gold ones. 
 This one applied awesome.  2 thin coats to achieve bottle color.  Purdy.  This is like the ONLY heavily orange based red I can wear and have my hands remain normal looking.
I kinda liked this color but was it worth 4 coats to cover the streaks?  NO!  Was it even worth typing the ridiculously long and STUPID name so I could post it?  Kinda, because I wanted to tell you guys how hard it was for me to type "blet" when all I wanted in the world at that moment was to type "BLEH!"
I think this swatch reveals what a pain this was to apply.  It was wierd.  Streaky and runny at the same time.  But only 3 coats.  I bought this polish because in the store it looked like a creme that would perfectly match my skin tone.  I got it home to find it was a pinkish, yellowish, nude SHIMMER.
This took 5 coats to be opaque, but it's not meant to be opaque so its ok.  But good LORD it is SO streaky.  It's like trying to apply polish with a brush a 4th grader made out of pine straw at summer camp.
I have a love hate relationship with this one.  LOVE- because it looks VERY close to Ruby Pumps. HATE- because it looks VERY close to Ruby Pumps.  This is the closest ruby pumps dupe I have found but who cares. Maybelline can't touch it because Ruby Pumps is RUBY EFFING PUMPS, it is THE red glitter. Nuff said.


  1. I don't... Really get the thing with the Red Comet and Ruby Pumps but ok...?

    That aside, I really liked Iced Mauve on you. It looks nice! And nude-ish. (Well truth is all of these are pretty but there was something in the description of Iced Mauve that triggered my "must compliment!" reaction.) That being said, Iced Mauve sure is a weird name for that colour. I always though mauve had more red in it...

  2. Love the nasty choco grape goo.

  3. Well, I love ruby pumps it is THE red glitter so its kinda annoying when other companies dupe it.

  4. Those are lovely colors, I agree that Ruby Pumps is the end all be all red glitter.

  5. Blush Twinkle is so dainty! I love it!


  6. This is the angriest post I've read in a while! :p

  7. Uh, what IS "Blet"? I like it! I love that first bottle, is it from the 80s or something??

  8. Don't look at Star Spangled by Orly, then. I swatched it on my nail wheel right next to Ruby Pumps and I can't tell the difference.

  9. Chocolat and red comet... Yammie!

  10. Wow, thanks. You just killed whatever lemming I may ever have had to buy any of these at Big Lots or Dollar Tree. I will absolutely not put up with that crap, not when we all know that there are much better polishes out there, for the same price and maybe cheaper! Their spring collex with all the pastels looks pretty, but I'm definitely going to pass after reading this!

  11. OMFGs! This blog made me laugh so hard. Your rants are epic, and I fully agree!
    I think you have become my favourite nail blogger. Nay, you ARE my favourite.
    I love you. :P

  12. chikadee, dont swear them off totally there are a lot of maybellines that are AWESOME. You just gotta roll the dice, playa.

    Skulda- thanks! I can rant with the best ww2 vets around.

  13. voodoo violet, i think that first one actually did belong to king tut, ironically the cap isnt gold plated.

  14. all I want to know is...what the eff is Glyoxal? (first bottle pic).
    Magic crap from 20 years ago that is supposed to make polish better??
    It always cracks me up when companies make up chemical names.
    funny post as always.
    Now I have "maybe she was born with it...Maybe it's Maybelline" going around in my head!!

  15. I might think about taking that gamble if the color was pretty enough, but... but... I'm keeping the receipt, so there!

    @Nancy.... the best made up chemical name was when L'Oreal came out with some cream containing something called Boswelox... I can hear them in the marketing dept. - "If we make the name sound enough like Botox, people are sure to buy it!" LOL.

  16. Just found your blog and it's hilarious, you are definitely one of my favorite nail bloggers.