Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Death to the fiance!

,Look, the last type of blogger I ever want to be perceived to be is some fliberty gibbit typing away at her laptop, eyes glazed over, looking off into space, and nothing but nonsense about her her fiance, her boyfriend, or her husband, ever shows up on the screen.  *YAWN*   "My fiance is so sweet, or I hate my fiance or, guess what I am taking all my ex husbands money", RETARDED. 

Not that I sit around all day with my legs crossed, chin in palm, deeply thinking about what kind of freakin blogger I want to be, as if its some type of important thing to be thinking about at ALL.  I mean come ON.  It's just that I started typing this and I was like "OMG! I hope I am not THAT girl!  Must I clarify?  Yes, I must!" 
 holy mother of god.  2 coats.

So, back to death to the fiance thing.  MY fiance takes his showers first in the mornings, usually shortly after he lovingly makes the coffee.  He even makes me my very own glass of coffee and puts it in the freezer for me because he knows how I like it cold.  Awww.  But put that part OUT OF YOUR MIND because we are MAD at him, ok?  After his shower you want to know what he does?  Do ya?  HE TURNS THE HOT WATER HEATER OFF!

Now ladies this is going to sound strange but it took me about 3 weeks of dripping wet trips, sprinting naked to the breaker box, in the MIDDLE of a shower to figure out this freakin pattern.  Now that I have it figured out I STILL have to run to the breaker box naked, all crouched over using my hands as Eve's leaves would be used, in some sort of crab like, two legged race at the county fair, type of run.  Really, the ONLY part that is different is that only ONE LEG is soaking wet because I still get naked and halfway in the shower before I remember.
This is 3 thin coats.  Need I say more?  I think not.

Now why is it that I RUN to the breaker box covering my private parts?  It's because for some reason, every time, I am always totally POSITIVE someone has broken in and will be walking down the hall the precise second that I run by naked.  Now, logically if someone has broken in my home, which I am always certain they have,  the top thing on my list of worries probably should not be them seeing my boobies.  It should probably be something more along the lines of being murdered.  But still, the covering of the boobies and The Hunchback of Notre-Dame run are instincts I just cannot overcome while running naked through my house.
2 coats

It only took ONE dripping wet trip to the breaker box in the middle of a shower for my fiance to stop turning off the freakin hot water heater folks.  ONE.  After all the times I had scowled, and screamed and screeched, "STOP TURNING OFF THE HOT WATER HEATER" at him in the voice of a 70 year old woman that been smoking for 50 of them. It only took ONE time for HIM to experience it to make him stop. Not to mention he still thinks HE was the one that "accidentally" turned it off the night before his shower.


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  2. a) thanks man!
    b) he has a death wish
    c) me too! and it was sooooooooooo goood.

  3. Funniest blog on the planet. Serious. You need a damn medal or something. Or like an Oscar. Is there Oscars of the Blogs awards? Anyhoo, I just hauled Nfu Oh, but now I need 131. Frick. Can you do a month of cheap polish, so that I can afford to keep feeding my childrens

  4. Scandalous+manatee mama=same wave length.

    I just bought the ENTIRE New york Summer collex to swatch on here for that very reason. I iz BROKE playa!

  5. You effin' rock........I love well-written random posts that involve kick-ass polish.

    But, why the hell does he turn it off??? And now I hate him.


  6. He tries to be all "im suburban, i save money on my electric bill, i am in control of my expenses" its crap.

  7. I literally just found your blog a few days ago and it's now at the top of my "must read every day" list. You crack me up (and I keep sending snippets of your posts to my boyfriend, who thinks we must be insane twins separated at birth).

    Also, I'm seriously lemming all those damn Nfu-Ohs you've posted the last few days. My wallet hates you.

  8. Maybe you are long lost twins with belinda in Aus too. We are nail twins as well as many other things.

  9. I will agree to all the rest of us - u are hilariuos, and needless to say - informative blogger :0 Fashion and fun. Keep it up :)

  10. Well done! I hate cold showers and dripping runs...And your blog is everything but "yawn"!
    BTW I love 553!

    #1 Does anyone feel the need to define what type of blogger you are? Who cares, all I know is that you are freaking HILARIOUS and your swatches are killer. ( My gf bought me 4 Nfu-Oh's for my B-day yesterday, and I think I've died and gone to heaven!)

    #2 Yeah...something tells me that one time of "accidentally" turning off the hot water for HIS shower, isn't satisfactory revenge. At least 2 more times should do the trick.

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  13. The fact that you had a mentally challenged person in your family does NOT give you the right to be insensitive, rude and or hateful.

    The logic in your ignorant statement is both wrong and crude and not in the least bit funny.
    If we used your "logic" then anyone with a homosexual in their family could go about using the word Faggot or if they had a Great Aunt twice removed whom was of African decent they could without regard throw around the N word....WTF is wrong with you!

    I have a God daughter who is Mentally challanged and a dear friend who's Daughter is as well and it's people like you who cause hurt and disrespect to these children. For what reason...oh you think it's funny! Wrong it's out of ugnorance and disregard for other humans feelings!

    I'm sure you will delete or not approve this comment but I said my piece and this is The last time I will be visiting this hate filled blog!
    Shame on you!

  14. I removed the offensive material. Sorry to those that are offended.

  15. Those polishes make me salivate and your rants are hilarious.

  16. OMG! I love your blog. :)
    All of you photos looks really gorgeous. And your nails are stunning.

  17. Mabye he loves the idea that you run around naked in the house... whehehe.... =P

  18. OK, so this is how freedom of speech turns into self censoring?
    I am amazed... I guess being from a very rude country where we mercy kill the elderly, allow homosexuals to marry, but still have NOT legalized pot, I fail to understand the cultural differences in which the eventual removal of the r-word is rooted.
    Still, can I call the fiance a total C***? Because that's what he is, a total, thick skulled, selfish C***.
    And to the offended - I'm sorry you were hurt. Now please go and read blogs that do carry your seal of approval.

  19. aniploish- Yeah it sucks, and it goes against pretty much everything I believe in, but I would rather take it down than have 500 replies from people bitching.

  20. You mean you'd rather take down your nasty commentary than take down 500 replies of people calling you out for what you are?

  21. Please refrain from insulting me on my blog. Thank you. If you must bother me with your bullshit, email me.

  22. Why are you even here grace of spades? I edited my post hours ago, so OBVIOUSLY you are BACK AGAIN to leave me a RETARDED comment. STFU and GTFO.