Friday, January 22, 2010

Lessons From the Looney Bin- Lesson Two.

Lesson Two: Pee Before you Polish!

If there was ever a rule of the universe that always held true it would be this- One second after the last stroke of topcoat is on your perfected manicure, you will have to pee. It's just the way it is. So since we are supposedly the intelligent ones on this spherical flying circus let's defeat the problem shall we?

Oh, you don’t think you need to defeat this problem? You think you can macgyver your way into your jeans with wet nails and not get a smudge? I see. You think you’re better than the rest of us don’t you? Well miss prissy pants try all you want to slide that zipper down with the grace and agility of a ninja but I will tell you this- You just nicked your thumb. So back to plan B.

 Pee before you polish. Sounds simple I know. But it really does take a special type of person to intentionally make a trip to the B-room and force out a drop or two in the hopes of saving a manicure. An added bonus is that peeing before you polish technically falls into the category of "planning ahead". So, you can use this act as a little self esteem booster to make yourself feel more like the organized, planned out, in control, strong woman we all aspire to be. It's an exercise in futility because she doesn’t exist, but its fun all the same.

 If you're like me you take lesson two a step further by blasting hot fuchsia pantaloons with an elastic waistband during manicures. I can pee before I polish until my hearts content but I will almost always have to go again. So, I sport elastic banded pants so I can effectively maneuver them without smudging my polish. This is my 'cure all' for all things nail. It's my cure all for all things life actually. You see, with my hectic, fly by the seat, busy schedule I can't be bothered with the meticulous, time consuming task of opening and closing traditional pants tens of times a day. It would simply cut too far into my sleeping time. A quick tip- If you would like to employ this time saving strategy you don't need to scour the globe looking for hot fuchsia pantaloons. Any color will do.

So ladies, let's all take a moment and put down the polish while we take a quick trip to the powder room. There is nothing more humiliating then standing in the bathroom, wet nailed hands in the air, doing the pee dance while a family member unzips your jeans.


  1. Haha! sooo true indeed.
    I love your blog <3

  2. So true! You forgot about the problem of wiping, though. Getting down the pants is just half the battle! I just found your blog and love it so far. You've had me laughing out loud a couple of times.

  3. "... I can't be bothered with the meticulous, time consuming task of opening and closing traditional pants tens of times a day."

    I definitely just laughed loud enough to scare my sister two rooms away.

  4. Hahaha so true! :) Or as always, I make a ponytail before I do my manicure and when the last nail is polished I want to loosen my hair :P