Saturday, June 5, 2010

Fun Filled Facts A La Manatee Mama

You know you sit and wonder all about my life and ponder its minor
  intricacies on a daily basis so don’t try to lie to me!  It’s a well 
known fact that I am at the tippy top of every ones curiosity list and 
you know it!  So here is some well deserved relief for all of you that
are suffering in miserable agony dying to know more about me.

  • I don’t have a DISH WASHER.  This is one of the main causes of my rage filled rants about petty situations.  I’m all about projection of my negative emotions.
  •    I have a clothes line and I USE it.
  •  My hair is black, and it’s long enough to get the tips stuck in my butt crack while in the shower, AND If I don’t keep it in a bun while drying it will frizz out to a disastrous point that requires another shower.
  •  I call my mom at noon everyday and say, "are you on lunch yet, are you on LUNCH YET?" because I am dying to talk to her.
  • My best friend sometimes avoids my phone calls because she is “busy” but I think it’s because she just can’t handle another incredibly negative rant about something retarded like stubbing my toe and the hour long story that goes along with it.
  • I am a freaky insane person that has panic attacks often.  I take 5 medications for all my various types of crazies.
  •  If the gate to the fence around my property isn’t locked securely with our, easily removed by bolt cutters, super weak and pathetic bike chain I can’t sleep.
  • I rarely get zits, but when I do they are ALWAYS near the lower corners of my mouth so it looks like I have the herp.  By the herp I of course mean herpes.
  • I have a paralyzing, life altering, crippling fear of Locusts. 
  • I have never run faster in my life than the time I got a locust in my hair.
  • Once in high school I came home to find a stick bug that was caught in a spider web in the window sill of my house.  I went inside and got a steak knife to try to cut the web and free it.  In my concentration I had my mouth wide open and it sprayed the foulest liquid ever known by my taste buds straight into my open mouth.
  • If I try on an item of clothing and decide not to wear it I will just throw it on the floor near the dirty clothes pile instead of hanging it back up.
  • I cannot apply mascara unless my mouth is wide open.
  • I have fat, piggy, chunky, sausage fingers no matter how skinny or fat I may be at the time.
  • I make the best brownies you have ever tasted.
  • I HATE yellow anything. Especially when it comes to clothing yet I somehow own a yellow shirt and I will wear it if everything else is dirty with a big FAT smile on my face if it means not doing laundry.

  •  The yellow shirt I own is not only yellow but it has SEQUINS on it.
  • I never, EVER check my voice mail.
  • I have never had a cavity or broken a bone.
  • I have stacks and stacks of loose DVDs piled around the TV’s in my house and they will probably never be returned to their cases ever again.
  • I will start a fresh manicure in order to avoid work of any kind that may be on the horizon because “oops my nails are wet sorry I can’t do it now”.
  • There is a black racer that lives in my yard. I named him “Fierce Frances” because black racers are harmless and I am lame and think that name is funny based on that fact.
  • There Is also a GIANT owl of some sort that hunts on my property daily but I didn’t name that asshole because he is probably going to eat Fierce Frances.

  •  I killed my first rattlesnake last night.
  • I will hold my pee to the bursting point about 50% percent of the time for no reason at all.
  • I just got a new comforter set 3 days ago and I think I’m so cool because every morning I make the bed to look just like the picture on the comforter bag but we ALL know this behavior will last less than 1 week.
  • I threw away all my plastic iced tea pitchers and bought a glass one because I like the way the ice sounds clicking against the glass when I walk around with it.

  • I just had my 7 year anniversary with my fiance on June 2nd and we BOTH totally forgot it.
  • My birthday is may 3rd and I am 27.

 So... I'll just leave you with my NOTD and let you digest that
information and decide if you still want to be a follower.

 Love, MM


  1. I think you are amazing and awesome, and I'm glad you're posting again regularly!

    Also, what is a "black racer"? I'm picturing an incredibly speedy Kenyan man running laps in your yard but I suspect that's innaccurate.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A black racer is a type of snake!

  3. I like the way the ice sounds clicking against the glass when I walk around with it...
    We should make a club!
    Loved the post and got blinded (in a good way) by the nails!

  4. aww, that's really sweet about calling your mom everyday; awesome post :)

  5. PLEEZ get you a dishwasher to save those precious digits! Missed reading your posts, so glad you're back.

  6. That was 100% entertaining and Im happy to know some more about you! In highschool there was an owl living outside my friend's window for a summer. We DID name him, his name was Rapey Grapy (don't ask) hahah

  7. me and my boyfriend just celebrated our 5 year anniversary on june 3rd

  8. hahaha i love you MM! i do the thing with the clothes too. and i don't have a dishwasher. right on.

    you are my fav polish blog precisely because you are all kinds of crazy.


  9. Awesome post! I'll have to do one one day. Maybe it will be cool, but probably not as cool.

    I agree with the others. I missed you.

  10. you are da BOMB! I laugh reading your posts (and i mean out loud laughing) my husband looks at me and shakes my head cause he can't figure out what on earth could be so funny looking at pictures of nails. ps. I start a new manicure in order to avoid work too! and it works everytime ;)yeah!